in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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