I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
