you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
