Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
