if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
