Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
