Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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