real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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