i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
