I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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