well you can't waste a boner
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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