i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
