Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
