Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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