this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
