We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
