We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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