3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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