I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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