my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
