You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize