Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
