at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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