the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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