i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
