thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
