I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
