I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
