I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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