Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
