you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
