I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?