sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work