i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?