another moral hangover. fuck.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
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My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail