alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
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He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.