Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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