I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
