Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
