i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
