Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
