Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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