I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
