I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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