If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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