He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
