If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
