fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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