dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
