Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
