He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
