I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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