He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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