I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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