getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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