it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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