im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
then he tried to convert me to islam
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
