I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
