How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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