if only i could text you this smell
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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