Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
