Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
