I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
