I wish life had little blips of pornography
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
