I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
