You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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