Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
